The Unforgetable Lunch
by leggylover03
Summary: Three elves, one human, and too much wine. What could possibly go wrong?


Title: The Unforgetable Lunch Summary: Three elves, one human, and lots of wine. What could possibly happen Disclaimer: Nothing says love like a restraining order so NO I do not own them A/N: My mind is demented, and this is the product, it is AU any reviews are welcome  
  
To those of you waiting for my other updates they are coming tonight do ot fear.  
  
The inn is Bree was bustling with with a merry little crowd. No one paid any heed to the four sitting in the corner with their hoods drawn up. This was probably a good thing for it was none other than the three sons of Elrond, and a sole Mirkwood elf. They had come to the little inn to celebrate Estel's birthday, and now all four were heavy intoxicated.  
  
"I am by far the fairest in all the land, do you not agree Estel?" Elladan spoke from atop the table.  
  
Estel stood and reeled, finally catching himself on the back of the chair before falling. "You cannot be the fairest, for I am the most handsome man here."  
  
Legolas jumped up on the table and pushed Elladan down. "I am the fairest in all of the lands, do you not seen my pristine hair, my dashing good looks. Who here doubts me?"  
  
Elrohir snorted from his chair, and laughed so hard soon he had sunk to the floor. "I know how we can settle this. Let us see who can shoot that man's hat from his head."  
  
"You have yourself a challenge!" the other three proclaimed.  
  
Elrohir drew his arrow back and watched it whiz right past the man and stick into the wall behind him. This drew a glare from the man, and a snicker from the others.  
  
"Even Estel can shoot better than that Ro"."  
  
"I heard that!" Estel shouted and I will prove Elladan's point and take the man's hat from his head." Notching his own arrow he drew back and soon the arrow was whizzing through the air, right through the glass sitting next to the man's head, shattering it to the floor.  
  
"That my dear brother would be what we call a miss." Elladan laughed. "Watch and learn how it is done."  
  
"You cannot out shoot me Elladan, and you know this." Legolas sputtered.  
  
"Then a duel, closest arrow wins my friend."  
  
Both drew back and fired. Legolas' arrow soared true to it's mark and hit the man's hat, and the the hair piece under it pinning both to the wall behind the man. Elladan's arrow however flew askew, and sailed right into the man's pants, and promptly there was a yelp, as the man hopped about the room holding his arse.  
  
"That my brothers and friend is our cue to leave." Estel said grabbing the bottle of wine off the counter, as he reached over to remove Elladan's arrow.  
  
Soon all four were atop thier horses and headed back towards Imladris. None of them had thought about the delegation of men coming from the neighboring town the next day, all they knew was the lure of the wine was making them feel indestructible.  
  
"You need to slow down with that stuff Estel, you are not as capable of holding your wine, like an elf would be." Elrohir said.  
  
Estel snorted. "Are you referrring to elves like that," he said pointing to Legolas who was slowly sliding off his horse. Estel threw the bottle of wine toward Elrohir. "Here catch Ro, you can have the rest."  
  
Elrohir lunged for the wine and fell off his horse in the process. Laying on the ground he hugged the bottle of wine, and would not release it even when Legolas jumped from his horse and tried to pry it from his grasp.  
  
"Do not worry Legolas. If we hurry I know where Ada keeps his supply, and I just happen to have this one." Estel said pulling a fresh bottle from his bags.  
  
An hour later four very drunk individuals came into the courtyard of Imladris. Cleverly the snuck past the guards, and into the kitchens straight to the wine bottles sitting on a shelf. Each choose a bottle, and sat down to enjoy the sweet taste, and giggle until all hours of the night.  
  
Elrond awoke refreshed. It had been nice to fall asleep without wondering what mayhem his sons were cooking up. He had seen the four off the day before, as they were going into Bree to spend the night for Estel's birthday. They had promised to be back in time for lunch with the delegation of men, and afterwards Elrond and they were going to have a special dinner in honor of Estel.  
  
After washing up Elrond put on his formal robes and went in search of his sons, and his advisors. Walking down the hall he found Glorfindel and began discussing the delegation, and what time they would be arriving.  
  
Two hours later, the delegation showed up, and Elrond was beginning to become annoyed as his sons, nor Legolas had shown up. He was now becoming worried that they had either found some sort of mischief to get into, or that something had befallen them. Ushering the men in he went about greetings, and speaking to them about the trade routes, and keeping them safe from orcs and other foul beasts. As the meal began he motioned Erestor closer.  
  
"Have you seen the boys?"  
  
"Nay milord. I have not seen them, but the stable hands did say their horses have returned. Shall I go and try to locate them?"  
  
"Aye, please do and bring them here swiftly. I would like to have them meet our guests."  
  
Erestor went off in search of the missing four, and Elrond sighed. He knew this was not a good sign, and wondered what Erestor would find when he discovered their whereabouts.  
  
Erestor walked into the kitchen and asked the cooks if they had in fact seen the missing boys, and was quite surprised to find Elrohir sitting in the corner singing a merry little tune about two elves, and a wandering squirrel.  
  
"Elrohir Elrondion, What is Arda's name are you doing lying amongest the dust on the floor. Get up at once, your father is quite upset at your tardiness."  
  
Erestor leaned down to help the son of Elrond and was taken aback as Elrohir grabbed him up in a hug. "You know you have always been such a good friend to me Erestor. Give me a hug you lovely little elf."  
  
"You will stop this foolishness at once, do you hear me. There is no time for games Elrohir. Come now and let us get to your father."  
  
"I am not fooling around, but if you will not give me a hug then I shall have to smite you." Elrohir whirled and picked up the loaf of lembas bread from off the counter, and whacked Erestor over the head. After the initial shock wore off Erestor grabbed at Elrohir to take the lembas, but even drunk Elrohir was quite swift. He jumped from the counter and took off headed right into the dining hall, and the delegation.  
  
Elrond heard the door to the room slam open, and watched with wide eyes as Elrohir walked in yelling revenge to all who opposed him. He watched amazed as his son ran around the room, and thrashed one of the men from the delegation with a broken off piece of lembas bread. He quickly snapped out of his awe, and grabbed Elrohir from the table.  
  
"What in all of Arda do you think you are doing Elrohir!" he snapped as Elrohir's head lolled to the side.  
  
"Ada, There you are, I did not see you come in. Have you seen my squirrel? I dressed him up in the pretty green dress, but he got scared and ran off."  
  
Elrond's face flushed, and he turned to speak to the men who were staring at the scene. "Please forgive my son, I do not know what has come over him. Perhaps he has taken ill" Elrond went over to the corner and placed a still giggling Elrohir down in a chair, then to make sure he did not have a repeat of earlier he tied him upright to the chair. Elrond went and retook his seat, and prayed to Valar that his other sons and Legolas would make less of a scene when Erestor found them.  
  
Glorfindel had been searching every room upstairs and was now headed down to see if he could locate any of Elrond's children or the Mirkwood elf. As he descended the final step he heard a small yelp, and turned just in time to see Legolas riding in on his horse.  
  
"Legolas Thrandulion get down from that horse at once! Your father would be appalled, and the Lord of the house will have your hide for messing up the floors."  
  
"Glorfy! Legolas shouted "How good to see you again. I have come bearing gifts." Legolas said then handed Glorfindel a hand full of chocolate cake. Not any chocolate cake, but the one to be served as dessert after lunch. Glorfindel knew this meant trouble, and he for one did not wish to be the one to explain why there was a horse in the House of Elrond, nor why Legolas was covered from head to toe in chocolate cake. Leaning over he heard a very strange noise. It seemed it was Legolas' stomach rumbling and making an awful noise.  
  
"Glorfy, I do not feel well" Legolas said and before Glorfindel could stop him Legolas used the hood of his cloak as a basin and filled it to the rim.  
  
"How disgusting!" Glorfindel shouted as he flung the cloak off him. Now here he was standing in the middle of the hall, a cloak full of puke at his feet, along with Legolas who was now looking ill. "Come Legolas we shall take you to Elrond, and see what he wishes to do with you."  
  
"You shall give me a ride!" Legolas squealed jumping onto Glorfindel's back and locking his legs around his waist. Glorfindel hung his head, and wished not to have a silvan elf attached to his back as he walked into the dining hall.  
  
Glorfindel stopped at the door and tried to persuade Legolas to get off his back, that he was not a horse, but Legolas bashed him on the head and yelled for him to giddy up. Glorfindel tried to pry him off, but the elf was there to stay. Sighing heavily he opened the door and saw a very upset looking Elrond, and Elrohir in the corner singing about some squirrel in a dress. Walking past the whispering voices of the men, Glorfindel stepped over to where Elrond sat his face a model of irritation.  
  
"Milord" Glorfindel said bowing as much as he could with Legolas on his back. "I have done as you asked and located one of the wayward boys. I am ashamed to report to you now in this condition, but he would not relent and get off my back. Please forgive me milord."  
  
Elrond stared at the usually prim and proper elf atop his adivsors back, covered in cake. "Tell me that is not the cake for dessert my friend."  
  
"I cannot answer you truthfully then." Glorfindel said as he was again trying to pull the elf from his back. With Elrond's help Legolas was pried from him, and tied securely in a chair opposite to Elrohir. Elrond did not wish for the men to witness such behaviour, but he feared what would happen if they strayed from his eyesight.  
  
In a couple of minutes Erestor came into the room to inform Elrond he had searched all of the house, and he was now going outside to search more. Elrond nodded hsi head and tried to sway his visitors attention from the two giggling elves in the corner.  
  
Erestor walked outside, and over to the garden. Not finding Elladan or Estel there he went toward the lake in hopes of finding at least one of them there. As he drew nearer he did indeed spot something out of the corner of his eye. Elladan was sitting in the field, but upon a closer look he saw Elladan was sitting there naked.  
  
"Elladan how dare you sit outside naked, for all of Arda to see. Have you no shame?"  
  
Elladan stood up and Erestor shielded his eyes. "Erestor I did not see you there."  
  
"Your father is very upset, the delegation is here and you a late."  
  
"Then I shall have to go and tell Ada I am home." Elladan said giggling and running past the stunned advisor. The shock soon wore off the advisor and he was in a dead run trying to catch Elladan, before he reached his father's halls.  
  
Elladan skillfully dodged Erestor's attempts to stop him, and ran full force through the hall, and into the dining room. Elrond heard the door slam open, and he laid his head in his hands as one of the men from the delegation gasped. Scared to look Elrond turned to see a sorrowful Erestor in the doorway, and a naked Elladan walking around the table asking if anyone had seen his pet the squirrel yet.  
  
Elrond grabbed Elladan swiftly before he could demonstrate to the men," The squirrel dance, complete with a small jiggle and one quick wiggle." Throwing his formal robes over his naked son, he tied a struggling Elladan to a chair brought in by Glorfindel. Elladan was squirming and Elrond had tried to quieten him.  
  
"Ada, I wish to see the final battle."  
  
Elrond was about to ask what Elladan was talking about when he heard, no it could not be, horse hooves in his house?" Elrond swung around just in time to see Estel dressed in Arwen's lovely formal gown ride in. Before he or his advisors could grab him Estel jumped from his horse onto the table and began to yell.  
  
"I am the king of the world. Bow before me!"  
  
The men of the delegation sat in awe, and Elrond was no better, as his mouth fell open in shock.  
  
Estel however was getting annoyed as he swayed drukenly across the table. "I said bow before me, do you not see my crown! he said pointing to his head. There atop it was a pair of pale blue underwear. Elrond was frozen in horror, and Glorfindel's face had turned a sickly pale color. Erestor seeing a chance went to grab Estel, and missed. Estel jumped into the lap of one of the men, and began his rant anew.  
  
"I am the king, why are you not admiring my crown of jewels?"  
  
The man sputtered and did not know whether to drop Estel from his lap and run, or to remain seated in fear he may cause him to do something rash. Elrond took this chance and snatched Estel from the man's lap. Dragging the kicking man to the corner, he tied him to the chair and went to face his guests.  
  
"I am sorry about this. Considering the circumstances I think we shall adjourn this meeting until next week. You have my deepest apologies for my son's actions."  
  
The men all got up and some even ran to the door, wanting to get away from the elven lord and his demented children. Elrond escorted them to the door, and then turned, eyes blazing in fury back toward the diningroom. Marching with his hands clenched in anger he swung open the door. Storming over to the four he began to spill forth a rant.  
  
"I have never in all my years in Middle Earth ever been this embarrased. How could you all, and in front of a delegation of men?"  
  
"But Ada we love you." Elrohir said smiling his most winning smile. "Do you not love us anymore?" Estel said poking his lip out.  
  
Elrond threw his hands up in aggravation. "That trick has not worked in a long time Estel, and it certainly won't work now. Take off Arwen's dress and undergarments and return them to her room at once."  
  
Elladan stared at his father with a puzzled look, "but Ada the underwear are Glorfy's"  
  
Elrond looked at his long trusted friend and saw his face turning as red as a beet. Untying his sons he told them all to go and sleep off their drunkeness, and he would be dealing out punishments come morning. He however wished to speak with his advisors, and ask one in particular about a certain pair of pale blue undies.  
  
Thirty minutes later Elrond, Erestor and Glorfindel stood in his study going over all that had happened when they heard someone singing off key in the garden. Walking over to the balcony they all three peered down and spotted three elves, and one human with a pair of undies still on his head demonstrating the dance of joy to the maidens of Imladris.  
  
All three took off in a run to stop them, afraid of the lines "Watch it wiggle, see it jiggle." Many years later tales were still being told of the naked dance of joy, and the luncheon, each one shuddering as they described it 


End file.
